What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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