I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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