Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
