you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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