and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
