I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize