Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
