i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
3 2 1 whiskey
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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