she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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