nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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