she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize