Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
