my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
