If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
