There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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