Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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