A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
