Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
