I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
