Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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