Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
