Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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