drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
