Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
