smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
