Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
