I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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