also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize