People in love make me want to vomit
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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