Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
