the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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