your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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