she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
