Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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