I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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