he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
