Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
