a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
