her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
