You just made me feel so damn special
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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