you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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