i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
