Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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