i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
