Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
