she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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