i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
