Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
