The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found the puke drawer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
