If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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