actually, I'm a sock model
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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