I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
