clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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