btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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