my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
