Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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