News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
