You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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