you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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