You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
