You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
there is glitter all over my balls
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