dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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