I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize