I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
