Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
