found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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