Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
