I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
