sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
