My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
