I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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