I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
