so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
