my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
