dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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