i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
