you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
