That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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