You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
