I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm bleeding and have questions
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
